


tired of lovesongs (unless it’s ours)

by deokyeomie



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ex-boyfriends To Boyfriends, Kind of angsty, M/M, don’t know if that’s a real word, hyung line is barely mentioned, kind of, romcom, seungkwan and mingyu broke up, they are both sad, vernon is a pothead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22198372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deokyeomie/pseuds/deokyeomie
Summary: “Where is Mingyu, by the way?”, the happiness vanished instantly. Instead, Seungkwan tensed and swallowed the words he was about to say, so he could come up with something else, something that did not involve cursing Hansol out.“How would I know?”, he mumbled and when he looked over at his friend, he could see that the latter had remembered why that question had been a very dumb one to ask.————————————Or the one in which Seungkwan goes to a party to at least not be a lovesick fool for one night, just to be surprised by his ex-boyfriend who turned him into a lovesick fool in the first place.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Kim Mingyu
Comments: 5
Kudos: 86





	tired of lovesongs (unless it’s ours)

**Author's Note:**

> hi!  
> I can’t tell you how long I’ve been working on this. Seriously, it’s been literal MONTHS. Now it’s finally done. I am very pleased with the outcome and hope you will have just as much fun reading as I had writing it!

Seungkwan had never seen himself as someone who would sit alone at a party, beer in one hand and the other occupied with nothing at all.

The music was blasting, and people were dancing, people that he knew, people that he usually danced _with_ , just not today apparently.

Today, Seungkwan sat there alone on the couch wondering once again why he had even decided to come when all he could think about was _him_ and how all of this was so _unfair_.

It was unfair how Seungkwan was here alone, hating his life, and _he_ was probably at home, watching a movie with his friend Wonwoo, not giving a single damn about Seungkwan and his broken heart.

It was ridiculous really, how everyone around him seemed to not mind him (alright, maybe there had been two or three people asking him why he wasn’t dancing and he had said that he just wasn’t feeling that well tonight, but like…still doesn’t really count) and how somehow more and more _pairs_ were formed, how there was Jihye and Sandra getting it on in one corner, and then there were Seungcheol and Jisoo whispering into each other’s ears in the other.

He had never noticed this before, how many couples decided to almost fuck on the dance floor, and maybe the reason for that was very obvious, but Seungkwan just didn’t wanna say it. Or think it.

The place got more and more crowed the more time went by and soon enough Seungkwan moved away from the couch, not really feeling all those people grinding on each other right in front of his face (he really tried his best _not_ to imagine _him_ saying “right in front of my salad?!” with a fat grin).

Instead, he was now chilling in the kitchen with none other than Hansol, who was in state one out of four of “Hansol High-ness”, which contained Hansol talking about stuff Seungkwan did not understand. In fact, no one really understood Hansol and no one tried to. They had all stopped a long time ago, when one-time Hansol had started going on and on about how fucking weird it was that eggs were actually chickens, just that they haven’t had a cock come on them. After that, Seungkwan as well as the rest of their friends, had given up, leaving Hansol to his nonsense and just nodding whenever they felt like it was the right time. Hansol didn’t mind, mostly because he couldn’t remember it in the morning anyways.

Now, Hansol was talking about how good the brownie had been, the one he had previously eaten (the one that had got him to stage one in the first place), the one he wished so hard could come back up so he could eat it again and if maybe he just threw up and-

“Yeah, please don’t do that”, Seungkwan said, grimacing. Hansol sighed, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Do you think Jeonghan has some more?” he asked then. Seungkwan shrugged.

“Probably. But you better not eat another one, I don’t want to get to stage four tonight, buddy”, he patted Hansol’s shoulder and the latter looked up, a pout on his lips.

“Ah common, I haven’t gotten to stage four in months, do you really think another brownie-“

“I have tasted Jeonghan’s brownies myself before so, yes, you are prohibited from eating more.”

Hansol sighed again, but he looked defeated. Seungkwan was happy.

“Where is Mingyu, by the way?”, the happiness vanished instantly. Instead, Seungkwan tensed and swallowed the words he was about to say, so he could come up with something else, something that did not involve cursing Hansol out.

“How would I know?”, he mumbled and when he looked over at his friend, he could see that the latter had remembered why that question had been a very dumb one to ask.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I just, uh, forgot for a second”, Hansol stuttered and Seungkwan snorted, wishing he could just do the same. Just forget it for a second.

“It’s alright. Like, I get it. It’s weird”, Seungkwan really wanted another beer so he got himself one from the fridge. Hansol, in the meanwhile, gave himself a slap to the face and shook his head. Seungkwan pretended like he didn’t see.

“You want one?”, he asked then, pointing at the fridge. Hansol nodded and so Seungkwan brought him a beer too.

After that they stood in the kitchen in silence just the music reminding them, they were still at the party. Hansol practically drowned that beer in what felt like seconds while Seungkwan just sipped on his, thoughts somewhere totally different.

Somewhere totally different was obviously where Mingyu was. Which Seungkwan didn’t know. Obviously. Because why would he? They had broken up; it wasn’t his business anymore where Mingyu was and what he did and with whom. Yeah, actually, Seungkwan was _so happy_ about that. Mingyu and him being done – it was for the best, really.

“Do you wanna play beer pong?”, Hansol suddenly shouted in his ear and Seungkwan flinched, turning around to face the younger.

“Why not”, he mumbled and so he walked to the other room with Hansol, taking a big sip of his beer as they crossed the doorframe and saw the long table that had been re-functioned to a beer pong table. The other team playing consisted of Seokmin and Minghao who both were respectively drunk, making them a weak target. For Seungkwan at least, as Hansol was high as well as tipsy on two bottles of beer.

“Let’s get it!”, Seokmin shouted, pointing at them with his arm stretched out from his body, a huge grin on his flushed face. Seungkwan had always found Seokmin extremely attractive, much to Mingyu’s dislike, one might add. It had always been endearing to Seungkwan, how jealous Mingyu would get sometimes, especially of Seokmin which was probably caused by Seokmin not only being handsome, but also Seungkwan’s senior in their department at college. They both studied classical music with the focus on classical singing, which caused them to be very close. In college at least. They rarely met outside of university and if it was mostly because of something the university or its students had planned.

But the jealousy was now long gone and Seungkwan could look and smile at Seokmin as much as he wanted without a boyfriend to worry about him (even though he had liked worrying about Mingyu. Simply because that meant he _was_ his to worry about and vice versa).

As expected, neither Seokmin nor Minghao succeeded in getting the pong into the beer, leaving Seungkwan relatively sober and Hansol laughing at them for how bad they were. Seungkwan was the first one to score after two rounds and Hansol held up both his hands for him to high five as Minghao drowned the beer the ball had fallen into, Seokmin next to him shaking his head. For a second, Seungkwan had a glimpse of hope ahead of him, a hope of actually having fun at this party and not regretting it more and more to have even showed up.

But in true Seungkwan fashion this hope was shattered seconds later when Seokmin scored and yelled something he couldn’t understand, when he grabbed for the ball in the cup, looking around as he shook his head, disappointed, and caught glimpse of a figure he had not expected to see here at all.

And the worst thing was that the figure wasn’t alone.

Seungkwan managed to throw over the cup he was grabbing for, which caused the other cups to it’s left to fall over too, making Hansol scream (a very weird high pitched scream Seungkwan would normally remember to tease him with the next day, but not today) and their opponents groan.

“Just because you don’t wanna drink doesn’t mean you have to ruin the game for everyone, common Seungkwan!”, Minghao said, pouting.

But Seungkwan didn’t hear Minghao, nor did he notice how his sleeve was soaked with cheap beer.

No, he was thinking about the easiest way to escape right here and now.

Blacking out everyone else around him, the blonde boy looked around, checking for exits. There was the front door, but that was close to where _he_ and his boy toy were, so that was a no. Next there was the window to his right, open and ready to go – just that they were on the eleventh floor and as much as Seungkwan wanted to escape, he didn’t want to die in the process.

“Fuck”, he murmured, slowly coming back to his senses and seeing clearly around him again. Which also contained seeing Mingy und Dongmin laughing together while clinking their cups.

“Is he _serious_?!”, Seungkwan gasped for air, grabbing for Hansol’s arm. The younger cried out, trying to get out off Seungkwan’s hold, but no use – Seungkwan was _furious_.

“He could have brought Wonwoo hyung, I wouldn’t have cared because I know he has eyes for Soonyoung hyung – but _him_?! The fucking most handsome boy in our university? Mr. Face-Genius? Is he _shitting_ me?!”, anger was displayed on Seungkwan’s face for everyone to see, but no one noticed, no one except Hansol, who was still trying to loosen Seungkwan’s grip on him.

“Yeah man, I can’t believe he would do such thing, what a dick”, he said as he pulled on his own arm, hoping it would help (it didn’t).

“Yeah, fucking dick”, Seungkwan let go off Hansol finally, turning around so Mingyu and Dongmin would not be in his field of view anymore and suddenly he could breathe again.

As much as he wanted to deny it, act like he didn’t care about their break-up, it was no use now. If anyone here paid enough attention to him they would all see what was really going on, they would know he wasn’t okay and the fact Mingyu showed up with the most handsome and popular boy of their university as his arm candy did not make anything better at all, instead it made Seungkwan feel stuff he wanted to avoid, stuff he had been so scared to feel.

“God damnit, Mingyu, why did you have to come here”, it was just a whisper to himself but still he felt something tickling his neck, as if someone was watching him.

When he then (stupidly enough) turned around, he found Mingyu staring at him, the same look on his face as Seungkwan just a couple minutes ago.

  
_Well, shit._

For a short while, Seungkwan was lured in, starred as Mingyu as Mingyu stared at him. For a short while Seungkwan forgot all about their break-up, about the fights they had. Forgot that Mingyu had called him too dramatic and jealous when in reality Mingyu was the jealous one. For a short while, yeah, for a short while Seungkwan was in love with Mingyu the way he had always been.

And then he was shook back into reality by someone shaking his shoulder.

“Booooo, we wanted to play, can you please continue plaaaaying”, it was Seokmin shaking him, Seokmin pouting down at him and Seokmin who sparked something inside of Seungkwan he hadn’t even known was there (that was a lie, he obviously knew he had a thing for dramatic gestures and his sure as hell was dramatic).

Without giving it a second thought, he grabbed Seokmin’s collar, pulling the older boy, who’s eyes were wide in shock, down to him to press their lips together.

Yes, it had been something like a short reaction, made because Seungkwan didn’t know what else he was _supposed_ to do (surely not this).

Seokmin’s eyes were still open as he was still in shock, but soon after he relaxed, shutting his eyes and kissing Seungkwan back, taking a small step forward.

Being kissed back was what brought Seungkwan back to reality. He quickly opened his eyes and took a step back, separating his lips from Seokmin’s and letting go of the other boy’s shirt.

Clearing his throat and with burning cheeks, Seungkwan looked down to his feet and tried to come up with something to say, but Seokmin was quicker.

“I can’t believe you beat me to my own idea”, he said.

Seungkwan blinked.

“Excuse me?”, he looked up at the older boy again. He was smiling.

“I saw him come in. I thought maybe this would shake him up a little. You know, the way it shook you up when you saw him come in with Dongmin.”

Seungkwan was speechless. So, someone had noticed his behaviour.

“Yo, what was that?”, Hansol, who was still standing close to Seungkwan, looked at the two boys with his mouth dropped.

Seokmin smiled.

“We will see”, he patted Seungkwan on the back and when he left Seungkwan was still in shock.

“I thought he was just as fucked up as me, but he seemed like super sober just now”, Hansol said then, pointing at Seokmin with his thumb over his shoulder.

“Same here”, Seungkwan answered, then he shook his head and pulled a hand through his hair.

“Oh, but were did Mingyu go? I still see Dongmin, but no sight of Gyu”, Hansol most probably said this because he thought out loud, not because he meant to tell Seungkwan Mingyu was gone, but still. Reaction was the same.

Instantly Seungkwan turned around, scanning the room for his ex-boyfriend, but spotting him nowhere.

A part of him believed that he should be triumphant now, proud he had made Mingyu leave and not the other way around. But why did he not feel anything but confusion inside of him, confusion and the sudden feeling of being sober as fuck when he really didn’t want to.

“Hansol, get me a drink.”

“Huh? Uh, okay, what drink?”

“Doesn’t matter. Anything that gets me fucked up.”

“Alright. On it, boo-ss, haha, get it?”

When he got no reaction, Hansol simply went to the kitchen to get them something to drink.

What had started out to be a party filled with self-pity and sarcasm, had turned into a party filled with drinking too much to try and forget the pain about Mingyu leaving.

It shouldn’t be a big deal he shouldn’t be so upset about it. After all, Mingyu was not his anymore, not his to worry about, not his to miss.

When the loud music of the party started to make his head pound even worse, Seungkwan walked out of the apartment and got onto the elevator, making his way to the bottom floor, wanting nothing more than to breathe fresh air. At this point, Seungkwan was probably the most wasted he had ever been, and walking wasn’t exactly the easiest thing for him to do.

When the ‘ping’ of the elevator announced the opening of the doors, Seungkwan tried to steady himself once again, but he almost fell down flat on his face when he saw who was sitting on the floor opposite the now open elevator doors.

Mingyu had his eyes closed, head leaned against the wall behind him and his legs were pulled to his chest, held by his arms. Seungkwan wasn’t sure if he was imagining it, but his cheeks looked red, almost as if he had cried just a few moments before. He really hoped it was just his brain messing with him.

When the doors were about to close again, he stretched out his arm, making them go back to their former position. He didn’t know _why_ he had just done this, as it clearly made Mingyu realise someone was there, still in the elevator.

The moment Mingyu’s eyes were opened, staring right into Seungkwan’s, he regretted his decision immediately. Because what was he supposed to do now? Mingyu was right there, sitting on the floor, looking up at him with those puppy eyes that did definitely show signs of crying, fuck, he _had_ been crying. Seungkwan held his breath, not sure what to do. His arm was still in the air as he stared back at Mingyu and he was sure this scene looked pretty funny from an outsider’s perspective.

For those two boys, though, it wasn’t funny. More like awkward. Like really awkward.

Seungkwan pulled his arm back and cleared his throat. Mingyu just continued to stare at him.

“Are you not gonna get out of there?”, he asked then.

Seungkwan blinked at him, confused that he would even talk to him. Shortly he looked behind him, checking if maybe he had missed another person there, but nope, there was only him, Mingyu and the oh so awkward tension.

“I, uh, do I have to?”, Seungkwan’s voice sounded unsure. Mingyu held back a smile (mostly because he really did not feel like smiling right now, but also because he didn’t wanna give Seungkwan the satisfaction of him still being funny to Mingyu) and shrugged.

“I mean, you could go back to where you come from. And, you know, make out with Seokmin a little more”, yeah, that was more like it, Mingyu thought, tell him boy!

Seungkwan felt his cheeks turning red and he stretched out his arm again, when the doors started moving towards the middle again. He rubbed his neck with his other hand, coughing when he looked down at his feet.

But, wait. Hadn’t Mingyu been the one to bring someone first? Slowly, he lifted his head again, his lips in a straight line.

“Well, why aren’t you up there sharing some spit with Dongmin hyung, hm?”, he countered.

Mingyu almost chocked.

“Dongmin and me?! Are you kidding me?”, he said loudly, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open.

Okay, so this was not the reaction Seungkwan had expected. He opened his mouth just to close it again after a second, opened it again and did the same thing all over again.

“We came here as friends, Seungkwan. He dragged me out of my bed because I haven’t been able to leave it ever since-“, he stopped. Seungkwan stopped in his motion (the one where he kept opening and closing his mouth, there wasn’t much else moving) and felt his heart starting to beat faster.

Mingyu pressed his lips together, avoiding Seungkwan’s eyes. Great, he had said just the perfect thing, hadn’t he? He leaned his head back against the wall, trying to stop himself from turning red. It didn’t work.

The silence that filled the entrance room now made Seungkwan even more uncomfortable. Without realising it, he walked out of the elevator once the doors threatened to close again. Now, they did close, but behind him, leaving him in the same space as Mingyu, much closer to Mingyu and very much aware of him. He swallowed hard.

“Weren’t you about to go somewhere?”, Mingyu’s eyes were still closed, but he had probably heard that Seungkwan had stepped out of the elevator.

“I just wanted some fresh air”, the younger answered. Suddenly he realised that he wasn’t feeling quite as drunk as before.

“Well, nobody is stopping you”, Mingyu mumbled. Seungkwan winced.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed”, his voice was cold and that was when Mingyu realised his mistake. He opened his eyes again and hated himself the second he saw the hurt on Seungkwan’s face. When he was just about to say something, Seungkwan took off, walking to the door that led to the campus.

“Fuck”, Mingyu sighed, jumping up from his spot and walking after Seungkwan.

The younger was walking so fast it could probably be considered as slow running, but his legs were still much shorter than Mingyu’s, so it came to no surprise when Mingyu passed him in no time.

“Seungkwan, wait, I- I’m sorry”, he said, his hand had grabbed for Seungkwan’s wrist.

Seungkwan wasn’t looking at him his eyes were pointed at the floor, at something that didn’t make him feel the way Mingyu did. He should have said something, probably, but there were no words forming in his brain that made sense. Most of the things he wanted to say would make him look weak and would admit to missing Mingyu and he couldn’t say that, there was no way in hell he could ever say that.

“I didn’t mean it like that, I just- I-“, Mingyu wanted to swear. If only he hadn’t said that. If only he had just ignored Seungkwan, let him pass and not care. But exactly that was the problem; he _did_ care. In fact, he probably cared more than ever before, having gone to the party simply because Dongmin had told him Seungkwan was there. But how was he supposed to say that to him? Especially after he had seen Seokmin kiss him? God, why did he have to witness that, why did he have to come to this stupid party to win back the love of his life when that love of his life was sucking face with the guy he had been attracted to for like ever?!

Mingyu was still holding onto Seungkwan’s wrist and with every second that passed, with every word that wasn’t said, Seungkwan slowly dared to look up, to look into Mingyu’s face and try to read what was going on inside his head. Once he did look into his face, though, he had no idea what he was thinking.

Only when Mingyu got back his voice and had sorted his thoughts to a point where he could actually bring out a sentence that wouldn’t contain him begging Seungkwan to be his boyfriend again, Seungkwan understood.

“Why did you kiss Seokmin?”, oh wow, Mingyu’s voice sounded so _small_ and Seungkwan felt his heart break a little more.

“Because I saw you coming in with Dongmin hyung”, the truth was worth a lot in this situation. Lying wouldn’t get them very far.

Mingyu looked back into Seungkwan’s eyes, surprised.

The air around them was chilly and he only now noticed that Seungkwan was not wearing a jacket. His eyes widened once again, and he quickly let go off the younger’s wrist to take off his coat and put it over Seungkwan’s shoulders.

“Hyung, you- you don’t have-“,

“I know. But I want to”, he replied, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Well, thank you”, Seungkwan looked away, shyly and Mingyu’s smile widened.

Silently, they walked around the dark campus. There was no other soul out here, making it easy for both of them to feel like they were the only people on earth. It was stupid really, how they both longed for the other still and wouldn’t say it. How both of their hearts were beating in union, unknowingly.

After a while they sat down on one of the benches at the east side of the campus, remaining silent. The wind was making both of them feel colder, Mingyu more than Seungkwan, who was still wrapped in Mingyu’s coat, and when he saw Mingyu shiver, he slowly slid closer to him, not sure why since the coat clearly couldn’t fit both of them, but Mingyu stopped shivering and instead looked at the smaller boy, his eyebrows raised in slight surprise.

“You’re cold”, Seungkwan just said, biting his lip.

“It’s fine. I don’t mind being cold”, Mingyu replied. His small smile was back and this time Seungkwan smiled back.

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, but their thoughts were still all over the place.

“I wanted to go after you, that night”, Mingyu started after a small while. Seungkwan turned his head around to him, flustered.

“I really did, but… I guess I felt like maybe you didn’t want me to. We fought about stupid things all the time and you always told me to leave you alone and I never did. I felt like that was the last straw, that you didn’t love me anymore. That you hated me, thought of me as a stupid boy who couldn’t get anything right. Because that’s what I thought of myself”, and there they were again, the tears pooling up in his eyes. Seungkwan’s heart hurt deeply in his chest.

“Now I know that I should have run after you. I should have held you, should have told you that it was gonna be alright. Instead, I made it worse. Instead, I made you think I didn’t want you anymore. And I’m sorry, so sorry, Seungkwan. I never meant to do that.”

It took Seungkwan a while to really understand what Mingyu had said. Those were words he had never thought he would hear from the older boy in real life. Of course, he had dreamt about it, had dreamt about him and Mingyu being together again, about Mingyu admitting he had made a mistake. Hearing them in real life, he had to admit, was much better than his imagination had ever been or could ever be.

“So, what are you saying?”, it was almost just a whisper coming out of Seungkwan’s mouth.

Mingyu licked his lips.

“I’m saying that I still love you, Seungkwan. That I never _stopped_ loving you.”

Without hesitating any longer, Seungkwan dashed forward and brought their lips together.

Mingyu kissed him back immediately, bringing his hands to Seungkwan’s face, cupping it gently. Nothing had ever felt this right, nothing had ever made them feel this whole. Seungkwan put his hands on Mingyu’s waist, deepening the kiss. Their mouths moved against each other as if they had never parted. It all felt just like the first time, back in their first year of college, when Mingyu had kissed him for the first time in the back of the one Irish pub around campus that their friends loved to go to.

Underneath his fingers Mingyu could feel how cold Seungkwan’s face was, and he parted their lips, stroking Seungkwan’s cheek, before kissing the tip of his nose.

“Maybe we should head back inside, Kwanie. It’s cold”, he grabbed the younger’s hand and gave it a kiss, causing Seungkwan to smile like the lovesick fool he was.

Together, the two went back upstairs, their hands holding onto each other almost as if they never wanted to let go again and Seungkwan still safely wrapped in Mingyu’s way too big coat.

As they walked through the door, a part of Seungkwan hoped everyone would notice and make space on the dance floor so they could have their special moment, dancing the way they used to, all alone to their song. But of course that didn’t happen (he did pout a little bit).

Instead, they were greeted by Dongmin’s wide grin, nodding at Mingyu knowingly, causing the tall boy to blush, and Hansol leaning against the wall, talking to some girl Seungkwan didn’t know, holding a familiar brownie in his hand.

Seungkwan gasped.

“Excuse me, Mingyu. I’ll be right back”, he said, taking off the coat and handing it a very confused Dongmin, before kissing Mingyu’s cheek and rushing off to chase after Hansol, who had, of course, fled to the other side of the room once he had spotted Seungkwan come in. Mingyu blinked a couple of times, but then he laughed, shaking his head.

As he watched Seungkwan chasing Hansol through the apartment (“I swear to god, Chwe Hansol, don’t you dare eat that brownie!”), Mingyu knew in his heart that no one would ever be quite like Boo Seungkwan. And he was happy, that this boy was his to keep forever.


End file.
